Well I am here to finally answer the burning question you've been wondering....did the $700 in injectables work? Am I pregnant?
Answer: No.
Sigh.
Is this definitive with a blood test? No. But at this point the tests are negative...the temps are not looking good. Chances of pulling out a BFP at this point are like winning the lottery...the big pot not $2. But if I do get a BFP (or win the lottery for that matter) I will amend this entire post and give you all something special to mark the occasion.
I don't even think I can explain to you what a mind trip the last couple weeks have been for me. Thank goodness for the holidays or else I think I would be batshit crazy right now.
As I type this I'm not sad....I'm pissed. I am angry at my body for, yet again, failing at the thing it was designed to do. I'm mad at myself for wasting $700 we didn't even have on medicine that didn't work. I'm mad that my husband has to leave a company he's worked for for 5 years to find something that will cover IVF. I'm mad that with a diagnosis of DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) my chances of conceiving, even with IVF, are slim. I'm angry that I had a glimmer of hope this month when the hcg tests started to get darker and I got Mike and I's hopes up all for nothing. I'm pissed that bc my deductible is $3000 I won't be visiting my RE until we get new insurance bc we can't afford to pay for the visits. I'm mad at how unfuckingfair it all is.
After 22 cycles of actively trying...temping, opks, doctor appointments, blood draws, ultrasounds, medicines...I'm tired.
I want to thank everyone who has kept in contact and followed me through everything. I really do have an amazing support system and I can't thank you guys enough.
I am sending you nothing but love. Support and intense love. You have every right to be angry. I'm glad you are writing about it. I can't imagine how difficult this is. Huge love to you.
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