I am getting ready to begin my 20th cycle ttc. That is 20 cycles of hoping and praying for 2 pink lines. That is 20 cycles of being absolutely devastated when I continuously get one line and not two.
And you want to know something more sad? I stopped birth control a whole year before that. So add 12 more months onto the 20. I actually tried the "don't try" method for 12 months. Yea, didn't work. That would make 32 long cycles of nothing. More questions than answers. More money spent on doc appts, tests, etc.
So where does that leave me...us?
Well I have a lot of hope in this new RE and her office. I feel like I will begin to start getting some answers as to why I can't get pregnant. But in all honesty, it'll be for nothing. Come the new year Mike and I will be looking into taking out a loan to try IVF. Since both RE's told me this would likely be the only successful way I will achieve a pregnancy thats what we will do. We've already started our 'baby fund' and hope to get it to grow a bit before the new year. We are selling off all Nate's stuff...clothes, swings, strollers, clothes. No need for it right now so its pretty useless to have sitting around when we could use it more towards IVF.
So I guess I sit here being sad for the past but being hopeful for the future. Being hopeful for the possibility of some answers in the next couple months and for the possibility of getting pregnant in 2014.
Oh and to add a little salt to my already festering wound....this day 4 years ago I got a positive pregnancy test and learned I was pregnant with Nate. =\
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