The Cycle That Was Over Before It Really Even Started

Had my baseline appt for this cycle this morning. I left feeling really freaking good about this month. I got them to schedule the hsg (which they weren't planning on doing) along with the hysteroscopy to check out everything again. Annnnnd I got them to give me a script for the trigger so that I can do it myself to ensure that it is given properly.

Got home and got Nate ready to head to Target to fill the rx for clomid which was to be started today and price the trigger there. In the parking lot my phone rings. It's the doctors office.

So, basically my FSH is up to 28 now. That pretty much means its impossible to produce a quality egg this month. Cycle is cancelled.

I feel defeated and I feel like a failure.

Cycle Babble

Where oh where to begin.....

 

I'll start at the beta last Tuesday. So, remember I said it was negative? Well that was 14dpo according to their records when I was really only 11dpo (the whole trigger shot debacle that didn't work). So needless to say aunt flo was a not coming any time soon since I usually get her 16ish dpo. Well, clomid pushes that number back even further. So, today at 19dpo (22dpo if I go by offices o date) aunt flo decided to show.

Anyway, I had a doc appt this morning...an actual appointment with the actual doctor. Can you believe that?? I was pretty hesitant going into this appt since the doctor doesn't seem to have the best mannerisms if you ask me. He is very quick and really doesn't seem to listen to me much. I could see that me going in there and telling him I wanted certain tests done next month was probably not going to fare well.

And I was pretty much right. He walked in and asked me why I was there. I outlined the past 6 months for him telling him how I just don't see how 6 months have passed since my surgery and I'm still not pregnant....esp when he thought I would have no problem getting pregnant after I had the surgery. He asked me how aggressive we were willing to be to get pregnant. We informed him that we had 6 lifetime IUI's and no other coverage, so IVF is out. At that point, he pretty much wrote us off. He told us that since the "clomid and iui's were working fine" that we would stick to that. Fine? Fine? How is any of the past 2 months of clomid/iui's fine since I'm still not pregnant?

I also brought up the trigger shot and how it seemed to be ineffective. I questioned him if it was possible the batch was bad or it was mixed wrong since I never got a positive test and he kind of just shrugged. I told him that since I had no hcg was in my system 72 hours later that it seemed like something with the trigger went wrong. He tried to school me on the trigger and I cut him off telling him that with the half-life of the trigger and the number of days there is no way that I wouldn't have had any hcg left in my system. Later on, as he was leaving, he told me that its possible that the hpt was broken. I told him that I used 4 different brands of tests...one as low as 10miu so there is no way they were all giving me the wrong reading. He shrugged and walked out.

Other information I received from this visit was that when he went in and did the surgery he found some 'inflammation on/around my uterus'. Wow, that's news to me. Six months have gone by and I've yet to hear about this information. It seems as tho, after looking at my diagnosis codes that he wrote on my labcorp papers today, that he diagnosed me with endometriosis, pelvic peritoneum. Umm, what?? It would have been nice to be told any of that. He also mentioned that when he went in my tubes were open. Does this mean he opened them then?....or they were already open? No idea. He talks in circles which leaves more questions than answers.

So, this month I will be doing another prolactin draw since my numbers were high when they were checked back in December. He also said he will do another hysteroscopy which I don't really know why, but whatever. I also want a hsg done since that is the test that checks tubes and I will bring that up on Friday when I go in for my baseline bloodwork and ultrasound.

 

So where does this leave us now? Well Mike and I are super frustrated that we don't seem to be taken seriously. We feel like since we aren't going to be doing IVF that we aren't worthy of this doctors time. We will be doing this cycle with them and then we will be transferring to the other RE office in Delaware.

 

On a completely different, yet majorly awesome note, I am *STILL* super excited about the NSYNC reunion that happened on Sunday. Some people think it wasn't enough but knowing that it was extremely unlikely this was ever going to happen I was more than happy with their minute plus reunion medley. I said that if they did reunite that it would make my entire shitty year worth it and I do not take that back. NSYNC4LYFE!!

 

Oh and my baby starts preschool next Tuesday. ::sobs::

 



 

 

Short and Sweet

Beta today was negative.

We will be meeting with the doctor at the beginning of my next cycle to see where we go from here. I've requested some tests be done next cycle so hopefully he agrees and then I can get some questions answered or closure.

Go Home Cycle...You're Drunk

So a lot has happened this week. I'm going to end up writing a lot and most of it is for me...so I don't forget anything that happened this week.

Lets start on Monday: I went to the RE for blood work and US and they said its show time on Tuesday. See this post for more deets

Tuesday: went in and had IUI#1 done. I also received a trigger shot of 5000iu Pregnyl. Trigger shots help the follies in their last stage of growth then they tell all mature follicles to release their eggs. Since I had 4 follies maturing the doctor only wanted me to trigger 5000iu instead of the 10000iu so that I wouldn't release all 4 and risk multiples.

Wednesday: went in and had IUI#2 done. According to RE office I should be ovulating 10:45 tonight....36 hours after trigger shot. Also, with the trigger shot, if you test with a pregnancy test it will come up positive bc the trigger shot is hcg, the pregnancy hormone. I tested MULTIPLE times with my cheapie hpts and couldn't pull any lines. I placed an email to my RE's office asking if it was possible my body did not respond to the trigger. Nurse called me back and told me "oh sweetie, you're not pregnant yet" when I told her I wasn't getting positive hpts. I laughed back in her face and told her no shit, but with 5000iu trigger I should still be pulling positive pregnancy tests. She assured me everything was fine and that I would ovulate at 36 hours without incident.  I have been taking OPKs since CD6 with no surge. Today at 7pm I got my first positive OPK. So according to her I should be ovulating in 3 hours? I don't think so.

Thursday: Still surging on my OPKs Darkest one at 3pm. Stopped surging around 7pm tonight and then tests after that were negative. So, I should be ovulating soon according to the tests...and I should have already ovulated according to RE office.

Friday: I wake up this morning and my ovaries are SORE. I am in so much pain. I had an ultrasound scheduled for 7am to confirm ovulation. I think I am going to ovulate today. Mike went with me to this appt so that if we had any questions, we would get them answered. Long story short is that she saw 2 areas of fluid so she thinks I ovulated 2 eggs....BUT I have 3 large follicles still there 26, 22, and 14mm. When I told her about not getting the positive hpt from the trigger she started saying that its possible I didn't respond to it and that the 2 eggs I release were immature and, thus, wouldn't fertilize. She said it's possible I could ovulate again today. She wanted blood drawn to look at my numbers to see where I stand. Around noon I received a call from the office...they said I ovulated. Umm, what? Oh and my beta was .7. Pregnyl has a half life of 32-33 hours so there is no way that 5000iu of this hcg is out of my system already in 3 days.

 

So where do I stand now? Well, the office has me ovulating on Tuesday...the same day as the trigger shot. I don't think I ovulated yet. Still in pain and I have yet to see a rise in my bbt. So I guess I just wait from here on out to see what will happen. I go back for progesterone Tuesday and Friday and then Beta the following Tuesday. Between now and then I am going to be making a list of things I want to happen for next month in hopes that this clusterfvck doesn't happen again where nobody really has any idea what my body is doing. Physically this week has been taxing on me...constantly being poked and prodded with various objects at the office but mentally I am just done. After going through IF stress for years then to have so much hope that this cycle will be "the one" I just can't handle any more fvck ups.

Well that went fast

Finished my clomid on Friday. WOOHOO!!!! This month wasn't half as bad as last month but I am glad to be done with it. Woke up on Saturday knowing I had a uti. Went to urgent care and got some meds for that. ::throws confetti::
Went in for my scheduled us and bw today at the RE office. They wanted to bring me in a little earlier than last month so they could see whats going on during the first half of my cycle after the Clomid.

 

So, I'm sitting there while the nurse is looking at my ovaries and she isn't finding ANY good follies on one side. I am FREAKING OUT thinking I took the Clomid and didn't respond. I had 8-10 smaller ones that will never become anything. Whoop de doo. She goes to move the wand to the other side and its like fireworks exploding on the screen. I have 4!!!! measurable follicles on one side. 4! She laughed and said clearly this side is just being greedy.

 

Plan was to come back in on Wednesday for another us and then more than likely do iui#1 that day with iui#2 the following day but we will confirm all this after bloodwork comes back.

Of course my body is doing its own thing bc the nurse called and said tomorrow is the day not Wednesday. I'll go in around 9:30-9:45 tomorrow and get a trigger shot (click to understand what that is) to tell my follicles to release the eggs and then get iui#1. Then the plan is to come back on Wednesday sometime for iui#2.

 

I am anxious and excited and nervous and hopeful. Please let this be the combo I need to get knocked up.

 

I have a friend who showed me recently that miracles do happen so I am saying this IS my month. I have to believe that.