Cycle is cancelled again...but finally figuring stuff out

Dare I say today, we made some headway into figuring out my body.

Lets rewind.

So as of last week I knew things were still out of whack...fsh was still high and they said something about not having a "true period". I was told to make a follow up appt today for bw and us.

I went in this morning and the same girl that murdered my right arm, murdered my left one TWICE today. She managed to poke me and completely miss my vein...only to nick it on the way out. Thus making me bleed everywhere. Then she had to go back into that vein to actually take blood. Sigh. I look like a druggie now.

Last Thursdays/Todays

After that I went into the exam room. The nurse walks in, looks at me funny and asks me why I'm there. I explain to her that the girl that called told me I wasn't having a true period and to come in today for a follow up. She said she doesn't know why they'd say that since my fsh is at 28 so there is nothing to follow up to. Cycle is cancelled.

I started going over everything the person on the phone told me and then I started asking her questions. I asked her how my fsh can still be 28. It was 28 last month too, but I was on 2 months of clomid at that point which can raise your fsh. With me being off meds last month, my fsh should have been down this month. When I told her that my fsh has been extremely high for the past year she started clicking through my charts. She noticed a pattern of high fsh coupled with high e2 (estradiol). Something clicked!

She said that based on what she has seen with my past 5 charts and blood work it looks like my body is gearing up to ovulate way too early. Let me explain. Most people have their period and their hormones are all low, where they should be. Well, it seems as if my body jumps right into the next cycle...too early. I don't have a reprieve from hormones early in my cycle. It looks like even on day 2 my body is already producing enough hormones to ovulate...which is causing me to ovulate early at times too.

Yay. So I feel like we are finally getting somewhere. She said they want to continue to monitor me throughout the month to see where my baseline is. Usual day 3 baselines are a set of numbers for fsh, p4, e2 and lh. My numbers are always high which means that I am not the norm. So instead of freaking out bc my numbers are so high we just need to adjust our way of thinking...that and probably go on more meds. She said that I am not the only person with this problem and they will likely have to suppress me in the beginning of my cycle so my body doesn't start producing those hormones too early.

Just to give you an idea of how out of whack my numbers are...let me break them down a bit. On day 2 my e2 was 84.1. Normal range for this (on day 3...so a whole day later than when I tested) should be 25-75 so I'm not completely out of the water with this one. But 4 days later (today), on cd6 my e2 was 185.7. Normal range ON OVULATION DAY for this should be 200 for each mature follie. Since I am not stimming with clomid this month I should only produce 1 follie. According to my e2, my follie is almost mature. ABSURD. I don't doubt the fact that I will probably ovulate early this month (probably cd12ish) but I don't think that my high e2 correlates directly with me ovulating. If I had to guess, my number may even double by the time I ovulate.

Normal day 3 LH should be <7. My LH on day 2 was 12.8. Eeek. And 4 days later its up to 15.2 when the normal range for LH on OVULATION DAY is >20. I bet this number will at least double, if not triple before I actually do ovulate.

So, this just goes to show that while I don't think my body is perfect (clearly if it were I'd be pregnant), I think its a bigger problem of figuring out whats "normal for me" vs "normal for everyone else". With anyone else I can see them jumping the gun and doing the iui when the e2 levels reach a certain level but its clear to me that I shouldn't follow those same guidelines.

I'm glad that the nurse finally starting putting some information together today. I always wondered if my numbers were always abormally high. And now, I know they probably are. So now its more about watching the numbers the rest of the month (God help my arms and veins) and figuring out how to work with those numbers as well as figuring out a proper medicine protocol to help my body do what it should be doing.

Speaking of medicine. Fvck this Dostinex. Last week I took it and felt like puking for 24 hours straight. Then I deal with having no appetite the rest of the week. Last night I took it and I've had a constant headache since. And then by the time the symptoms start decreasing, its time for the next dose. Yuck.

Trying so far hard to believe this.

Happy Anniversary...here is more shitty news

Today is my 5 year anniversary with my love. Sigh <3

AF showed up right on time. Yay....or not....or a little of both.

Called the RE office first thing this morning to make an appt for day 3 monitoring. They brought me in today, day 2, which is fine as well and was probably better anyway. The blood draw girl murdered my arm. I hate new ppl who are rough taking blood.

Anyway, blood was taken and then I headed to the exam room. The nurse came in and we chit chatted for a bit then she got down to work. She found my left (blocked side) ovary first and immediately saw a 22mm cyst on this ovary. Ugh. There was only like 3 more follies on this ovary. Then she moved on over to my right ovary. This one is so hard to find and is so painful. Great news...there are like almost 10 follies growing on this ovary. This one will probably be the side I ovulate from which is great since my other tube is blocked anyway.

We made plans to do clomid again, estrace (needed to confirm with dr about days to take it) and then come back on cd10 for another us/bw. And then head to trigger, iui from there. But they said they would call with my bw results regardless.

A little after noon today Mike and I were taking the baby to go get lunch and my phone rings. Its the office. The nurse basically said that based on my blood work results I'm not having a "true period". Her exact words. I asked her how that was possible since I know for a fact I am having an actual period. She couldn't really answer me and just said that based on my results they believe I'm not having a true period. She also mentioned that my fsh was high and so was my estradiol. But I could have heard all this wrong since I was still trying to figure out how someone has a fake period.

Sigh. So, I have to go back on Monday for more bloodwork and another ultrasound. After they receive all the results and consult the doctor I guess the'll let me know what the plan is. Honestly, I'm going to guess that this cycle is cancelled too.

I hate getting my hopes up for them to be shattered day 2 of my cycle. I am having a tough time with the "why's" of a lot of things right now. =\

This cycle I didn't stress...we just let things happen....annnnd....

Guess what?

I'm still not pregnant. Surprise.



I didn't actually think that "not thinking about it" and "not stressing" and "taking the month off" would actually work so I'm not at all surprised to see more BFNs.

I did, however, spend the month getting back into acupuncture and enjoyed not having to go to the doctor for blood work twice a week. Both are equally relaxing. See the irony? I am relaxed getting 30 needles in my body while being relaxed about not getting blood drawn 10 times...lol.

Once AF arrives I'll be heading back to the RE. The first thing they want to do is blood work to check my FSH. If it hasn't come down to a reasonable level they will cancel my next cycle as well. I am reallllly hoping my FSH is low enough to start another iui cycle next month. If my FSH is at a nice low level I'll be starting Estrace too. Hope that medicine doesn't make me feel like complete ass like this prolactin medicine does.

Guess I'll wrap this up. Sorry there is nothing important to report from this past month but I'm hoping for some good blood work numbers so we can try next month. I'll update as soon as I head to the doc and get the FSH numbers back. I'd appreciate some good thoughts for low numbers if you can spare them.

Maybe One Day I'll Have an Upbeat Post...Not Today

Today, I feel numb.

I requested a few tests to be done this month since I still felt like we were missing something. And I'd say that I was right about that.

First test I wanted was another prolactin blood draw. Since the last time it was checked was back in December and I had read that certain factors can mess with the results I wanted to have this rechecked before taking the medicine since the side effects of it were pretty bad. Results in....prolactin is high. So it's not a fluke. I put on my big girl panties and took half a dose of the meds on Sunday and will take the second half tomorrow. Rinse and repeat every week until/if I get pregnant.

Yesterday I had a hysteroscopy done. This checks the inside of my uterus. Doc finds a bunch of spots on my uterus and starts asking me about my periods. When I tell him my periods are super light he looked up my chart and saw that my uterine lining has been really thin the past 3 months. All this coupled with the influx of higher hormone levels he believes my estrogen is low. Next month (if I can get my fsh levels low enough to have an iui next month) they will start me on an estrogen supplement (she mentioned Estrace) for part of the first half of my cycle. So hopefully this will help thicken my lining bc without getting my lining thicker there is no way a baby could implant into my uterus.

Then today I had my sono hsg. Sigh. This test checks my tubes for flow. Right tube...great. Saline flows through my uterus and out my right tube. My left....nope. So I'm working with one tube now. Nurse said its possible to get pregnant with just one tube which is great news but not the news I was hoping to hear. I was hoping that after going through that awful surgery I wouldn't have any more issues with my tubes. Guess the jokes on me.

So lets recap....so far I've been diagnosed with blocked tubes (fixed via lap), high prolactin, low estrogen, high fsh and now left tube blocked.

And the meds I'll be on during my next cycle (as long as my fsh is below 19)...estrace (or something similar), clomid, trigger (hcg) and dostinex.

I've also begun going back to acupuncture in hopes that it can stimulate my body's hormones to start regulating a bit.

Something has gotta give soon. I just don't understand how or why. I eat fine...my weight is normal...I gave up soda...I've decreased my alcohol intake...I take my vitamins. What am I doing wrong?

Now that I'm done with all that I just want to take a minute to say how incredibly loved I have felt the past few days. The kind gestures that have been before me theses past days have brought me to tears over and over again. Never in my life would I have thought nice things would be done for me....esp not bc I am having these infertility issues. Whether it was a gift or a message, I am truly thankful for every person that has thought about me and Mike during these trying times. I wish I could hug and thank each and every one of you.